The Secret Life of Captain America
by illusionofperfection09
Summary: Captain America, aka, Steve Rogers has stumbled upon an unusual way to cope with all life has thrown at him. Can the other Avengers protect their leader from himself? Warning! self harm, suicidal thoughts, and actions. Rated T, but please don't read if it may trigger you!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I haven't updated my other story, Benson's Torture as I have hit a block on that one. Last night, this story just kind of happened. I may or may not update it in a timely manner as I am very busy with school. Please do not read if easily triggered. The story may not follow exactly what happened in MCU. It takes place after the first Avengers but before the second Captain America.**

Can you imagine waking up one day to find your life hasn't turned out the way you thought it would? No, not just your life, but the world? That's exactly what happened to Steve Rogers. Including the all too literal "waking up" part. One minute he's in a world where all he wants is to make it in the army, the next minute he wakes up in a completely different time. People, even his fellow avengers, seem to forget his age. There are some times he feels as old as he really is. Those are the times he misses the simplicity of his former world. One where technology was all but nonexistent and the only worry was if they were going to win the war. The times when he feels the weight of all he has lost and the loneliness that comes from losing everyone. Other times he feels 26. Those are the times when he still feels like the sick kid from Brooklyn and he realizes how little he has lived. He's still young and inexperienced in many things. He's never had a family, he hasn't even had sex for god's sake! Either way, he's constantly bombarded with frustration stemming from his inability to belong. He's not from this time, and he's both older and younger than his teammates. He feels like he has lived three lives. One as a sick child, another as a supersoldier in 1940, and the one he's living now. Yet, for some reason, he is expected to lead the group of superheroes.

/

It's a quiet Thursday morning when he stumbles upon his release. It's ironic really. He's simply shaving with the straight razor that had been given to him by Clint the previous Christmas. Clint figured he would appreciate the familiarity and he was right. Steve had used it ever since. The previous night, the team had been busy buzzing about a new film that had come out. It was about a man who had to leave his girl as he went off to war. He hadn't even watched the film and it still brought up memories of Peggy and the guilt of leaving her behind. All night he was plagued by nightmares of the war and images of Bucky falling kept flowing through his mind. As he begins to shave, he wonders what his life would have been like if he hadn't have crashed the plane. If he hadn't had the serum. If he was normal. Just a simple man living a simple life. Guilt begins to fill him as he thinks of all the people he has let down and left behind. Bucky. Howard. Peggy. His team. His country. "Dammit." He utters as his hands slips and nicks the side of his face. He watches his reflection in the mirror as the cut heals itself. Not even a scar is left behind. This only serves to remind him of the many ways he is different from his team. If they get hurt, they scar, they heal slowly, and they are human. And for the first time, he thinks that maybe pain is the only thing he has in common with anyone. He can still feel pain. In fact, he deserves to pay some sort of penance for the things he has done wrong. Without even thinking, he brings the blade down on his thigh and watches the gash stitch itself back together. Release is all he feels. He does it again, and again, and again.

/

No one notices his new habit. Mostly because he is diligent to clean up after himself and there is no scarring to hide. Either way, he is surprised no one sees the guilt that practically radiates from him. He knows it is wrong, but he deserves it. The trips to the bathroom become more frequent with every mission. He feels the weight of every life lost, and every injury on any of the avengers feels like it's his fault. After all, he is the captain. His is responsible.

/

Tony is the first one to notice something is wrong. Steve had gotten careless and a small stain of blood was left of the floor of the tile. He chalks it up to some battle injury, but he can't stop the nagging in the back of his mind that something wasn't right. After all, Steve's injuries are normally healed by the time they return to the tower.

The next morning, Tony decides to say something. He knows it's probably nothing, but it would make him feel better to confirm that. "Steve?" he asks, "I um… Well I was wondering why there was blood on your bathroom floor?" "I mean. Are you okay?" The question alone causes Steve's heart to race. "I'm fine Tony. I simply nicked myself shaving." "Oh. You know you really ought to just use a regular razor like the rest of us. Come on Steve, it's the 21st century!" Tony pats him on the back and heads to his lab. The supersoldier feels a little guilty over the lie, but the feeling of relief from not being caught is much greater. Steve becomes more careful to hide his little secret and no more stains show up on the floor.

/

Steve realizes he is becoming dependent on his habit when he tries to stop. He only makes it one day before a nightmare sends him to his razor. As he stands in his bathroom, he thinks of how disappointed everyone would be if they knew. He couldn't even go one day. That thought alone sends him into a rage. He is furious with himself for becoming such a failure that he is dependent on hurting himself to make it through the day. He spins around and punches the mirror before giving in to the urge to cut. This time he doesn't limit himself to one area of the body. He begins to violently cut his thighs, arms, and chest. He cuts and he cuts and _he cuts_. It's not enough. It will never be enough. He's about to break down when a knock on the door startles him.

"Steve, are you alright?" The voice belongs to Bruce Banner. "I was up late working on a project and heard something break. Can I come in?"

"No! I mean, I just had a nightmare and sort of punched the mirror. Everything's fine though! I'm fine."

"Steve." Bruce's voice is slow and steady. "I think I should come in. I'm going to force my way in if you don't open the door, and no one wants to see that."

Steve crawls over and unlocks the door once he has covered his injuries. He hopes they heal quickly before Bruce notices anything.

"See Dr. Banner. I'm fine. Just a dream. Really."

Bruce takes in the scene before him. Steve is on the floor by the sink with shards of glass from the mirror surrounding him. Beside him is a razor and the towel is soaked in blood.

"If you are fine, then why is the towel bloody?" All of a sudden, the realization of what has been happening hits Bruce. "Steve. Have you been hurting yourself?"

"No! That's crazy. Dr. Banner, I am fine. I promise!" Steve's voice is filled with desperation and he knows he can't hide any longer, but he can't stop lying.

"Oh Steve" Bruce lifts up Steve's shirt and sees the gashes. "You aren't fine."

"They heal themselves. There's no need to worry. It's just a bad habit."

Bruce takes a seat on the floor beside Steve and sighs.

"How long have you been cutting yourself?"

Steve's taken back by the question. How long _has_ he been cutting himself?

"Um. Not that long"

Bruce just looks at him quietly, giving him the opportunity to come clean.

"A few months actually." He admits as he looks down at the floor.

He continues, "It started by accident. I was thinking about my life, my past life, and I nicked myself while shaving. I just got so angry when I saw how with all the bad I have done in my life, my body heals itself. It didn't even leave a scar. I don't deserve it. Any of it. And I just kept going back to it. I know it's wrong, but it makes me human. I can't get hurt like most people. I'm not even sure if I can die. But I can feel pain. I deserve to. Every life lost out on there is on my shoulders. Every injury you guys get is my fault. I'm supposed to lead this team when I don't even belong _on_ the team." A sigh escapes before he can go on. "I'm just so tired Bruce." "So tired of it all. I shouldn't even be alive. I may be over 90 years old, but I've only been awake for 26 years of it. And sometimes I wish I hadn't woken up." "That I had just….been gone."

"It's not your fault Steve."

"What do you mean?"

"Any of it. You aren't responsible. We know what we signed up for. You lead this team because you are the best one of us. You have a good heart and are selfless, and kind. None of us are perfect. I've, well the other guy, has killed people Steve. Innocent people. I truly am a monster. But I have to realize that I can't live in constant guilt. Why do you think I tried to kill myself?"

"I'm not going to kill myself. Not that it would work anyways." Steve looks up at Bruce. "Do you wished it had worked?"

"Sometimes." Bruce admits. "But most of the time I'm glad I'm alive." "Steve, it isn't okay for you to hurt yourself. Even if you can heal. We need you here. We need a leader, but we mostly need _you._ You hold us together. The fact you are hurting so badly that you would turn to this isn't okay. Please let us help you." "It won't be easy. I know. I've been there. But I can tell you that you can get better."

"You mean, tell the team? They will be disappointed. I can't"

"You can. They won't be disappointed. They will be worried. Because they care about you Steve. We all do."

Bruce reaches over and grabs a hold of Steve's hand. Steve thinks for a moment before replying, "Ok." "But I can't tell them."

"That's okay. I'll tell them. Can you wait in living room? I'm sure you are a little overwhelmed right now and I don't want you to be tempted."

Steve nods his head and walks out of the room.

"Jarvis?"

"Yes Dr. Banner?"

"Can you alert me if Steve tries to hurt himself?"

"Yes Sir."

Now that _that_ was taken care of, Bruce needed to get all of the other avengers together.

"Jarvis, wake the rest of the team and tell them I called an emergency meeting in Steve's room. And that they need to come now."

"Right away Dr. Banner."

Bruce wondered how he was going to tell them. How do you reveal to someone that Captain America, that _Steve,_ had been hurting himself? Of course, Thor is the first to arrive.

"What is the matter Dr. Banner?"

"I'll explain once everyone's here Thor."

Clint is the next one in the room, followed by Natasha.

"Bruce, why on earth are we meeting at one in the morning?" Clint asks while Natasha simply gives him a look he takes to mean he better have a good reason for waking her so early.

"It's urgent Clint. I'll explain when Tony gets here."

"That could take ages Bruce."

To the surprise of everyone, Tony actually shows up right then. Granted, he is half-asleep.

"Bruuuuce. Why are we up so early? And why are we in Steve's room? Wait! Are we doing some "group bonding"? I never took you for a kinky one Bruce!"

"Of course not Tony! We have a serious situation."

"Shouldn't we wait for Steve?" Natasha interjects.

"Actually Natasha, Steve is in the living room. He didn't want to be the one to tell you guys."

"Tell us what Bruce?" Tony says, "What's going on?"

"We have a problem. I was up late in the lab working on a project when, about an hour ago, I heard a crash come from Steve's room. When I came in, he told me he had a nightmare and had punched his mirror. I asked to come into the bathroom and when he said no, I became worried so I told him I would break down the door if he didn't open it." Bruce pauses

"No offense, but you seem to have overreacted. I mean, I've certainly broken a mirror or two." Clint interrupts.

"That's not all. When he opened the door, I saw him sitting on the ground and beside him was a razor and a bloody towel." He takes a breath before continuing. "Steve has been cutting himself."

"What? What do you mean cutting himself? How long has this been going on?" Tony shouts before remembering the blood on the tile. "Oh, Oh God. About a month ago I noticed a blood stain on the floor. He said he nicked himself while shaving. And I believed him."

"It's not your fault Tony. None of us realized what was going on." Natasha says. "Bruce, how bad was it?"

"I can't say for sure Natasha with the rate his body heals. But it was still pretty bad when I saw the cuts. And he said he wished he had never woken up, that he had died in the ice." "He didn't outright say he wanted to commit suicide but he sounded a lot like I did right before I tried to kill myself."

"I can get Jarvis to play up a tape of what happened. And I'll program him to alert me if this happens again. Right now he's programed to alert me only if someone is dying or threatened by someone else. I didn't think of someone being threatened by themselves." Tony says. "Jarvis, play back the video feed from midnight to one."

The video begins to play on the TV Tony had put in Steve's room.

They all look at Bruce when the video finishes. Thor looks confused, Clint and Tony are on the verge of tears, and Natasha looks….distant.

"Dr. Banner?" It's the first words out of Thor's mouth since he learned of Steve's problem. "I am afraid I do not understand something. I understand the weight of leading a team. I feel that same weight when I lead my warriors on Asgard. What I do not understand is why Captain Rogers would keep hurting himself. Was he trying to punish himself?" He looks down, embarrassed that he had to ask such a personal question. He's not trying to pry, he truly wants to understand so he can help Steve.

"It's okay Thor. In fact it's good that you asked me now and there is nothing wrong with not understanding this kind of situation. The only person who knows why Steve is doing what he is, is Steve. We can all sympathize, but none of us have experienced the exact situations he has. I think his problem started with wanting a way to release his emotions. It is, in part, a way of punishment for him, but it is more than that. It's like an addiction. Every time he cuts, chemicals rush to his brain. These chemicals make him feel better and soon it becomes the only way he knows to cope with his emotions. SHEILD really let him down when they thrust him straight into the 21st century with no support. We let him down by not realizing how new all of this is to him. He's only been awake for a small period of time and everyone he knows is gone. It's up to us to help him."

"I think I understand now. Thank you." Thor hesitates and then asks, "Dr. Banner. Do you think it would be alright if I went and sat with Captain Rogers? We have been in here for a while and he's probably lonely."

"I think that would be fine Thor. We probably need to come up with some sort of plan to help him anyways so it might be a while."

Thor heads to sit with Steve and the rest of the team begins to think of a way to keep Steve safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**I am so sorry this has taken me so long to post. School is crazy, so of course, I worked on this instead of studying. It's a fairly short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it! (This chapter does not contain any self harm but does reference it) Please review.**

Steve is in the living room, sitting tensely on the sofa with his arms on his knees. What has he done? The team knows. They know. The thought fills him with both a sense of panic and relief. The burden he didn't know he had been carrying is lifted, but at the same time, he feels scared. He wishes none of this had ever happened. His breathing escalates as he thinks of the different ways the members of the team are going to react. Just as he is about to go into a panic, Thor walks into the room.

"Captain," Thor begins, "Sorry, Steve. I was wondering if you would mind me sitting with you."

Steve's a little surprised the team sent Thor to talk to him. It's not that he doesn't like the guy, after all, Thor is extremely nice, he just doesn't know him very well as Thor is often in Asgard.

"Sure."

Thor takes a seat beside Steve and clears his throat.

"Steve, I know we are not the best of pals, but I want you to know I do regard you as a close friend and ally. I was hoping you might allow me to offer some advice." When Steve nods, Thor continues. "While I will not pretend to understand your means of coping, I do understand the pressures of leading a group in battle. It is a tremendous responsibility and a terrible burden. When I first lost a warrior, I told my Father I no longer wanted any part in it. It was then he told me what I am about to share with you. That warrior did not go into battle to fight for me. He went to defend Asgard, even knowing he may die. And his death was the result of the evil that resides in this universe, not me. My father reminded me that I was doing that warrior a disservice if I left my team without a leader. So I went back and decided to make it my mission to honor his death. You cannot hold yourself responsible for every loss in the field."

"Thank you Thor. I'll try my best to remember that." Steve replies.

"And though I may be away at Asgard often, I am available to remind you anytime you need."

It is then the rest of the team joins them in the living room. Steve looks at the floor, unable to look them in their eyes.

Bruce is the first to speak. "So, Steve, we have discussed the….situation…. and feel it is best if you are under supervision at all times, at least for a while. And while we can't force you, we think you should see a therapist. SHEILD has plenty and it's completely confidential, meaning Fury won't be told the details of any of your sessions."

"Okay" Steve whispers, keeping his head down.

Sensing his discomfort, Bruce decides to hurry things up. "Well, Tony is going to stay with you the rest of the night and we'll um, discuss this more in the morning."

After an extra bed is placed in Steve's room, the rest of the avengers head back to sleep, leaving Tony with Steve. After only five minutes of silence, Tony turns to the soldier,

"So, Cap, I don't know about you, but I'm not really tired. You want to go grab a bite to eat?"

"Tony it's three in the morning, I doubt any place is open."

"That's the beauty of IHOP my friend. Open 24 hours a day. So you up for it?"

Steve mulls it over for a minute. He knows Tony wants to talk about his "issue" and as uncomfortable as that sounds, he might as well get it over with.

"Why not? It's not like I could sleep anyways."

"That's the spirit!" Tony replies as he goes to put on some clothes and shoes.

/

Steve knows he shouldn't be surprised when Tony decides to "have a chat" with him over their pancakes, but he can't help but feel nervous.

"You know Cap, I really hate talking about feelings as much as the next guy, but I'm thinking of making an exception."

"Tony, you don't have to say anything…"

Tony cuts him off, "I don't have to say anything? Seriously Steve? You think I'm going to just let you cut yourself to shreds?" He waves his hand in reference to Steve's body before adding, "And don't say it isn't a problem."

"Why do you even care Tony?" mutters Steve.

"Because, as a recovering alcohol addict, I've been there. I've had the whole 'it's my body, I'll do what I want' argument and trust me, it doesn't work. You may say you don't think it's a big deal, but in reality, you just don't want to admit the fact you aren't sure you can stop. You are in denial that you have an addiction Steve. I was too until Pepper finally got me to see it."

"I am not an addict." Steve says vehemently. He's seen addicts and he's not one. He just has an unusual way of dealing with things, that's all.

Tony scoffs, "Oh really? Come on Steve. You crave it all the time. You need it. You try to hide it from the rest of us because you know it's getting out of control. But you still do it because you want to. You want to end it, but you can't. It's all you think about and if someone were to take it from you, you just might go crazy. It's the best release and the highest high, but afterwards, you get lower than you were before. You depend on it… Shall I continue?"

Steve shakes his head. He can stop. He will stop. _But he couldn't last night could he?_ Everything Tony is saying fits him to a tee. He doesn't know if he can stop. And that thought scares him to death.

"Then….how?" Steve is unsure he can get the words out, but Tony understands.

"You take it one day at a time. You avoid temptation. And you get help and support from those who care about you."

Steve looks up at Tony.

"You are not alone Steve."


	3. Chapter 3

**So it's been a while, I'm sorry! This chapter ends sort of abruptly but I felt like I needed to upload something. I'll try to update soon. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I am! Warning: This chapter contains self harm and a suicide attempt.**

Everyone sleeps in the next morning, exhausted from the night. Clint has the first shift watching the captain.

"So Cap, what would you like to do today?" Clint says over their coffee. "I could teach you how to shoot a bow!" When Steve doesn't respond he quickly adds, "Or we could stay in and watch a movie."

"No, I'd love to learn archery Clint. Maybe it'll be fun."

They head down to the indoor range Tony added to the tower for Clint and Clint goes over the basics with Steve. It takes a little while, but eventually Steve begins to get the hang of it. Of course, the almost perfect hand-eye coordination from the serum helps.

"You know, you're pretty good at this cap! Although we all know it's due to my fabulous teaching skills."

"Yeah, this is more fun than I thought" Steve responds.

"You know Steve, if you ever feel like you need a way to cope, I'm happy to join you on the range to get your mind off things." Clint says as he hits, yet another, bullseye.

"Thanks, I'll try to do that" Steve appreciates the gesture, but he knows it wouldn't be the same. There's something about hurting himself that he can't get anywhere else.

They spend the rest of the afternoon training.

Natasha has the next shift of watching Steve and they decide to go eat dinner. It's quiet, but in a comfortable way, the kind of silence that resonates peace. Once they are through with their meal, Natasha decides to speak. The whole time she has been planning her words carefully.

"We are more alike than you think Steve."

"Is that so?" He responds playfully, "I'm don't know how to dance and you don't…..well…" Steve clears his throat, "hurt yourself."

"True," She says, "But I also know how it is to feel like an outsider on the team. To feel you'll never belong in the family they've created."

"What do you mean?" He says. He knows exactly what she means, but he needs her to say it. For her to confirm he isn't insane for feeling this way. For her to admit he is different.

Natasha continues, "You and I are both outsiders. I'm from Russia and I was trained to be a killer, not a hero. You may be from New York, but I'm sure it was a little different seventy years ago. We both left a life behind. The only difference is that my former life was one of killing so I don't miss it. I know it has to feel like you can't have a life now, but you can Steve. You just have to build it, day by day. And it will be different than the one you previously had, but that doesn't mean it will be bad. Just different." She says it like different can be good, but Steve's not completely sold on the idea.

"The only problem is, I'm not sure I want a new life." Steve says before adding under his breath, "I'm not sure I want a life at all."

Natasha wasn't sure she still had a heart, but she must as it breaks for Steve. She whispers something that's meant to be comforting in Russian and then speaks, "Oh Steve, how did we not notice it was this bad? How did I not notice? I'm supposed to know everything about everyone and there you were, hurting yourself and aching to die. I'd ask why, but we both know you've had enough hurt to last several lifetimes. You should have told someone! You should have told me." She sighs, "It doesn't matter now I suppose. Just, please tell someone if you want to hurt yourself. Please."

"I can't promise you that Natasha, but I'll try." It's the most honest he's been to anyone since Bruce found him.

"At least that's something." She says, "I know you don't like talking about these things, but I've also noticed you seem to have issues with anything that reminds you of the war."

Of course, he thinks, leave it to Natasha to notice that.

"Sometimes, but it's not that bad. I just have trouble sleeping on occasion." He prays she doesn't dig further, but today is not on his side. Her eyebrow raises in suspicion and she continues,

"Really? Because it seems you have flashbacks almost every time someone brings up the war, you hear a gun fire, or even without any triggers at all. It's okay Steve. I know it's not something you used to talk about when you were younger, but now there are treatments for this sort of thing."

"This sort of thing?" Steve says angrily. He's not crazy.

"Yes Steve." She is unfazed by his outburst. "And it's a real medical disorder that many soldiers suffer from called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I think you should talk to my friend Sam. He used to serve in the forces and he works with veterans now."

Steve is quiet as he thinks it over.

"Fine, I'll talk to him, but only to make you feel better."

"That's all I ask." She replies.

Over breakfast the next morning, Natasha tells Steve Sam is out of town, but will be back in a few days and that they should go to dinner. Steve doesn't attempt to hide the relief he feels at being able to put it off a little longer. He's never told anyone about his issues with the war and he's not exactly happy that Natasha caught on. Worse, today is Bruce's day to watch him. It's bad enough to be around the others, but to spend the day with the man who caught him? The thought's not exactly comforting.

"Good Morning Steve" Bruce's greeting snaps him out of his thoughts.

"Good Morning Dr. Banner." He responds without making eye contact.

"You can call me Bruce, Steve."

"Right, Bruce." Steve corrects.

"So, I have some projects I'm working on in the lab if you want to join me." Bruce suggests. He wants to be able to talk to Steve, but it is clear he is uncomfortable.

"Okay." Steve says and the two head off to the lab in silence.

It's almost noon before Bruce decides to speak.

"I know you don't want to talk Steve, but I think you should." He says gently.

"There's nothing to talk about Bruce. You saw me at a bad time, that's all." Steve replies.

"Okay, fine. Well, do you mind me asking some questions?" Bruce doesn't want to push Steve, but he seems to have no other option.

"I guess not. Go ahead." Bruce has caught Steve off guard. None of the other avengers have asked many questions though he knows they have them.

"Do you still hurt yourself?" Bruce wastes no time beating around the bush.

"No, you guys are always with me anyways."

"Do you still want to hurt yourself?"

Steve doesn't know if he should be honest, but he thinks Bruce knows the answer.

"Sometimes."

"Are you suicidal, Steve? It's okay, I just need to know if you are thinking of attempting anything."

Steve sighs. Is he suicidal? Can he even tell Bruce if he is?

When he doesn't respond, Bruce walks over and sits beside him.

"I know people didn't talk about this sort of thing when you grew up, but it's okay now. I just want to help you." He adds quietly, "I know what it's like."

Steve remembers hearing Bruce admit to his former attempt on the helicarrier.

 _In case you need to kill me, but you can't. I know. I've tried. I got low. I didn't see an end so I put a bullet in my mouth and the other guy spit it out._

When he heard him say that, he felt sorry for him. Not that he had tried to kill himself, but that he couldn't succeed, just like Steve. He mulls it over and decides Bruce deserves to know.

"Yeah." Steve whispers, "If I could kill myself, I would."

Bruce nods and looks at him knowingly. "When you crashed the plane, did you want to die?"

Steve thinks on it. "I suppose. I wasn't trying to kill myself, but I didn't want to wake up either."

"Steve, I know you think you may not can die, but that doesn't mean you can't. And even if you can't, it's not okay to feel this way all the time. I'm not sure I can die either, but I don't think you would want me to try to kill myself again." Bruce says.

"I get your point Bruce. But I can't stop wanting life to just….pause for a bit." He admits.

"I know. That's why I am asking you to be honest when you visit your therapist tomorrow. Don't leave anything out. They can't help you if you don't let them in."

Steve simply nods quietly. He's anxious about seeing someone and is really craving his razor. But he can't cut himself. Not with everyone around. He wishes they knew how much he wants to cut, but he can't tell them. Admitting as much as he has to Bruce has been extremely hard. He'll just have to control himself.

The next morning he attempts to regain control after the previous night's dream. Instead of the nightmares he has learned to handle, he dreamed of home. Home. It feels foreign. The dream was of the period before the serum changed everything and his chest aches with longing to back in his own time. His labored breathing wakes Tony, who had "Steve Duty" as he called it.

Tony rubs his hand over his face and sits up in his bed. "Dream?" He asks.

Steve nods his head and tries to control his breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

"What was it this time? Army of aliens, Nazi soldiers, Thor's crazed brother?" Tony suggests.

"No, no. It wasn't a nightmare…" He whispers, "it was home."

"Oh" is all Tony says. How do you comfort a man out of time? Tony knows there's not much he can say so he offers to fix some coffee and they go down to Tony's lab where he shows Steve his new project. Steve's grateful he isn't alone.

Natasha drops him off at his therapist later that day. She offers to stay with him, but he says he'll be fine. As soon as she is gone, he walks to the nearest pharmacy. He feels awful as he purchases a pack of blades, but he needs this. He's also scared the others will find out if the therapist tells them he didn't show, but all Natasha says as she picks him up is that she's proud of him for seeing someone. He feels even guiltier and slouches into his seat as he thinks of when he'll be alone. He will have to wait until he is showering as that's the only time they leave him alone.

The rest of the day passes by as a blur to Steve as his only thoughts are of the relief he is soon to feel.

After what feels like an eternity, it is finally night and Steve tells the team he is going to shower and get ready for bed. He sneaks his blades into the bathroom with him and he turns on the water. Breathe in, Breathe out. He takes the first blade out of the pack and steps into the stream. Is he really going to do this? As he ponders this, he feels the weight of his past begin to smother him and the realization he will never be home again hits. He can't breathe anymore, so he gives in. Slice after slice, each one bringing with it relief and a breath of fresh air. He cuts deeper than he knew he could and it begins to take the wounds longer and longer to heal themselves. Suddenly, JARVIS interrupts his session.

"Sir, I've alerted Master Tony of your situation and he is on his way. Your vitals are concerning, I recommend sitting and breathing deeply."

Steve is in such a daze he doesn't even register that Tony is coming.

Meanwhile, Tony is working with Bruce in the lab when JARVIS interrupts. "Mr. Stark, I believe Captain Rogers is in need of assistance. He is currently in his shower with extensive self-inflicted wounds." Tony curses and begins to run to Steve's bathroom while Bruce follows.

They open the door to his bathroom to find him sitting under the stream of water, covered in wounds. Tony isn't sure what to say and Steve isn't saying anything so he looks to Bruce.

"Steve?" Bruce's voice breaks Steve out of his daze.

"I….I'm sorry." His voice breaks and he hunches over.

Tony uses the moment to gently take the blade from Steve.

"Shit, Steve." He mutters as he takes in the sheer number of cuts. "You really don't hold back do you?"

Bruce reaches in the cabinet for bandages when Steve speaks quietly, "You don't have to do that. The serum will heal them and I don't deserve the help."

"Is that what you think Steve?" Tony continues, "We are your friends and we are _going_ to help you. Whether you want it or not."

"These wounds are really deep Steve," Bruce comments as he begins to bandage him. "I know you think the serum makes you invincible, but I'd rather you not take that chance. I wouldn't be surprised if these take a few days to fully heal."

By the time they are finished, the other team members have been alerted and are waiting for them in the living room. As Steve takes in their faces, full of worry, he is filled with guilt. For lying to Natasha, for cutting again, for existing. And it all becomes too much. His breathing becomes erratic and he knows he has to get out of there so he runs. The air is filled with "Steve!", but he runs out of the tower and doesn't look back. He knows they will follow, but he doesn't care. He only needs a few minutes. He runs to the apartment he had lived in before Tony had urged him to move in. He had kept it in case anything happened to the tower and is immensely grateful he did so as he needs something that's in there. It only takes him moments to reach it, grab his spare key and enter. He doesn't even pause before opening the nightstand of his drawer and pulling out his old colt revolver. It was one of the few items that had been recovered from his past. Sitting on his bed, he turns the gun towards himself and slides the barrel between his lips. It's then that he finally begins to cry. Just a few silent tears for all he's been through. He thinks of his team, of all the soldiers he's lost. Of Peggy and Bucky and Howard. Of all that's changed in the time he was frozen. And how he doesn't want to live anymore. He just wants to go home. He's only correcting history as he shouldn't have survived the plane crash in the first place. He prays one prayer for forgiveness and hopes to God that it works before he goes to pull the trigger.

But before he can, the door bursts open and he sees a slightly green eyed Bruce and Tony in his suit.

"What the hell Steve!? Get that piece of shit out of your mouth now!" Tony is livid.

"So much for not startling him Tony, Why don't you go get the others and head back, I'll talk to him." Bruce suggests.

"Fine." Tony spits, "Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone Steve."

Bruce enters the apartment and sits on the bed by Steve. He clears his throat, "You know, I don't agree with the shouting, but I really think you should give me the gun."

Steve realizes he still has the revolver in his mouth. He removes it, but keeps it in his hand. "Bruce, I can't do this anymore. I want to go home and since that's impossible I am at least going to go where I should be anyways. I don't belong here."

Bruce lays his hand on Steve's back, "You do. You belong with us. With this team. I know what you are feeling. I get it. I do. I had different reasons, but I ended up in the same place you are right now. I was wrong Steve and you are too. Please give me the gun. Please." He voice breaks and Steve sees his eyes are watering. He thinks it over and gently hands the gun to Bruce.


	4. Chapter 4

**Please review! The more I get, the more I'm motivated to write!**

"Thank you." Bruce whispers. Neither one of them speaks for a while. Steve concentrates on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

"Steve," Bruce begins, "why now?"

He clears his throat before answering, "I, um, I can't take it. When I saw all of your faces, and how much I disappointed you all, it was too much. I lied to Natasha and I hurt all of you. I'm so tired Bruce. And I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I'm back in the war, or you are all getting tortured. I just wanted it to end."

Bruce continues to rub his back in a comforting manner as he replies, "I understand that. But you have to talk to us. Please. And you need to talk with a therapist. At least talk with Sam about your PTSD. We can't lose you. Not Captain America, you. We need you Steve."

Steve just nods and mutters, "I'll try."

/

They head back to the tower where the team has gathered. Steve keeps his head down as they enter, not wanting to see their faces. Thor breaks the silence with "Steve!" as he runs over and hugs him so tightly Steve thinks he might break. Clint is the next to greet him with a pat on the back. "Don't ever scare me like that again, man." Natasha simply hugs him and whispers, "I'm so glad you're okay." Steve is surprised to notice the tear tracks on her face. Tony is last. "I'm not sorry for yelling. You deserved it, being an idiot and all." His voice wavers, "I was so scared Steve. Don't leave us like that okay?"

"Okay." Steve says and they all sit.

"I think we can all agree there need to be some new rules. I suggest continuing to monitor Steve as well as having a therapist come here every day for a while to talk with you. There will be no access to any weapons for a while, including knifes. If you feel like harming yourself, you have to tell us. And we need your blades Steve." Bruce says.

Steve takes a minute to process all this before agreeing. He then goes to his room and takes the package of blades out from underneath his mattress and brings them back to the common room. He slowly hands them to Bruce. "I know this is hard for you, but it's the right thing. It will get easier." Bruce says gently.

"When?" Steve didn't mean to say it out loud, but there's no taking it back.

"I don't know Steve, I don't know." Bruce answers honestly.

The rest of the team leaves the room hoping Steve will continue to open up to Bruce.

"When was it Bruce?" Even though he doesn't say it, Bruce knows he's talking about his suicide attempt.

He closes his eyes and sighs. "It was not long after the incident that created the other guy. I suppose I never really told you about Betty either. Well, long story short, at the time the other guy was created, I was in love. Betty." He looks at Steve, "She was everything. But when I turned into the other guy for the first time I sent her to the hospital. I almost killed her Steve. To make matters worse, her father wanted to use me as a weapon and when I said no, the entire army went after me. I was so low and I couldn't see my way out. I was a monster. I thought the only way I could protect Betty was to kill myself. I went to a remote mountain in Greenland and…" He pauses, "I shot myself. When I came to, I realized it hadn't worked so I went into hiding and decided to work on finding a cure. I've never stopped."

Steve doesn't know what to say so he doesn't say anything for a minute.

"Was that the only time you tried?" He finally asks.

"I suppose there's an incident you could count from my childhood. I don't really tell anybody this, but my father killed my mother in front of me when I was a child." He whispers. Steve's eyes widen. He never knew that. Bruce continues, "And then, in school, I was bullied relentlessly. So I decided to build a bomb and bomb the school. I failed. That's actually how the government found me. They were more impressed by my intelligence than worried." He scoffs.

"I'm so sorry Bruce." Steve says.

"It's okay Steve. I'm working through things and I'm happier now than I've ever been really. I still miss Betty, but now I have more good days than bad. I can only hope the same can be true for you." He replies.

Steve simply nods. "Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, Ya know? Like I'm gasping for air that never comes. And the thoughts just take over." He starts to get angry. "Why me? I didn't ask for any of this!" He closes eyes to calm himself, but Bruce stops him.

"No, Steve. It's okay to get angry. It's good to let it all out. How do you think I keep the other guy under control? If you hold it all in, you'll bury yourself with the weight of it." He stands, waving his arms, "Shout, Yell! Hell, even break something if you need to, just don't keep taking it out on yourself."

Normally, Steve would be averse to ruining Tony's living room, but he knows he needs something. His skin's on fire, the urge to cut is immense, and he knows Tony won't mind so he stands and grabs the chair that's beside him. He grips it tightly and lets the thoughts run through his mind freely as he throws it across the room. The force of the throw causes it to break into pieces, leaving a hole in the wall.

Bruce is slightly startled he actually took his advice, but he quickly conceals it. "That's it!"

Steve had almost forgotten he wasn't alone. He doesn't care though, not now. The table is next, followed by the couch. It doesn't take long until the entire room is decimated.

"That felt good." He says as he catches his breath.

By now, the others have rejoined them, concerned they are being attacked. However, they soon realize it's Steve who's responsible. He's too tired to explain so he simply walks past and heads to his room.

"What the hell Bruce?" Tony says.

"What? He needed release and this is certainly better than him cutting." He replies. "I'll watch him tonight." With that, he turns to leave.

"I'm not paying for this!" Tony shouts to him playfully.

/

The next morning Steve heads to Tony's lab to apologize for the damage. "Listen Tony, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have ruined your room like that."

"The only thing you should be sorry for is letting me miss it. Don't worry though, JARVIS has the whole thing on tape." He continues, "But, if you are planning to apologize for anything, it should be for trying to off yourself."

Steve wants to leave, but he swallows the knot in his throat. "Would you really care Tony?"

"Are you insane? Of course I would care! How do you not get this? We are your family. Every time you cut yourself, you're cutting us! Just because you hate yourself doesn't mean we do." His voice catches and he rubs his forehead. "Let us be there for you. Please Steve."

"Okay." Steve says. And this time he means it.


	5. Chapter 5

**I know this chapter is very short, but I feel like it needs to be a chapter by itself. I still have at least one more chapter in this story (in which Bucky will finally be addressed). I'm not a huge fan of this chapter, but I'm posting it anyways since it has been so long since I've updated this story. I hope at least one of you enjoys it! Please review!**

Steve's not sure how he ends up back in his bathroom sitting on the floor. Several weeks have passed since his attempt and he's been doing better. Really. He has. He goes to therapy, he talks with Sam and his team, and he's even started drawing again. But now he's right back here. He wants to cry, to scream. No, that's a lie. What he wants is to cut. He takes a few shallow breaths and decides to talk to someone.

"Jarvis? Um, is anyone awake?"

"Currently Ms. Romanoff is the only one up. She is in the kitchen. Shall I inform her of your present situation?"

"No thanks. I guess I'll head down there." Steve says as he stands and turns to leave.

His hands shake the entire elevator ride down. Although he knows his team is already aware of his issues, he's ashamed he is still struggling.

Natasha simply raises a brow as he walks into the kitchen.

"Couldn't sleep Steve?" She says softly without looking up at him.

"Something like that." He replies as he walks over to her. "You said, well all of you said to... to come to you if I needed to… you know." He stumbles over his words and avoids looking at her.

"Oh" she looks up at him as she realizes what he's referring to.

"I'm sorry, this was a mistake. You probably want to go to bed and I'll be fine" he mumbles.

Natasha stands and grabs his arm as he turns to leave. "Steve, Wait." He turns to face her and she continues, "Come sit with me. Please?"

He nods and they walk over to the couch and sit.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks gently.

He answers in a whisper "Not really."

"Okay." Natasha responds as if it's no problem, but he knows she rather him talk to her. "I'm proud of you Steve."

"For what?" He scoffs, "For wanting to cut again?"

She shakes her head, "For not cutting again." "I'm not big on showing affection, or talking about feelings either so if you tell anyone what I'm about to do, I swear you'll regret it."

"I won't" Steve responds, genuinely concerned.

He's about to gasp in surprise when Natasha curls her arms around him and leans him onto herself, but one look from her silences him. For the first time in ages, he feels peaceful and he is soon deeply asleep.

The other members of the team are surprised to say the least when they see the two curled up in the morning, but no one says anything until Tony comes in.

"What the hell happened last night?" he chuckles and is about to make some vulgar joke until Clint shushes him.

"If you say anything Tony…" Clint growls, protective of both Steve and Natasha.  
It takes all of Tony's very limited willpower to refrain from commenting. Granted, it is a very unusual situation to see the tiny, but deadly assassin holding the massive soldier. Steve blushes deeply when he awakens, both because he slept with in the arms of a lady, and because the others clearly know why. He tries to get up without waking Natasha, but it's an impossible task. She doesn't seem to care the others saw them though, probably because she knows they're too terrified of her to mention it.

Steve walks up to the team and is about to attempt to explain when Tony hugs him.

"You didn't do anything?" Bruce asks quietly. Steve shakes his head.

Bruce beams with pride in response.

After the night with Natasha, Steve learns he really can talk to his team members instead of hurting himself and he finally feels he is beginning to heal.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! This chapter contains references to self harm and a past suicide attempt. Please don't read if you think it may trigger you. I think I'm almost through with this story, but I have at least two more ideas for chapters. I hope you all enjoy it, the reason I'm even still writing this story is all of you! Read and Review.**

It's been over a year since Steve last cut himself, not that he hasn't been tempted. He's learned to go to his teammates for support. Natasha simply holds him, Tony and Bruce let him "help" with their experiments, Clint shoots with him, and Thor tells him stories of life on Asgard. But he's never felt the urge to hurt himself as badly as he does now. Bucky's alive. Bucky's alive and doesn't remember him. Bucky's alive, doesn't remember him, and tried to kill him. And yet, all Steve cares about is that Bucky's alive. He had him back. He could've helped him, but Bucky's gone without a trace. Even with the help of Natasha and Tony, there is nothing to find. Steve wants so desperately to have a familiar face, to have someone who knows what it's like, to have his best friend back. Worse, it's his fault. The guilt turns his stomach in knots and soon he's running to the bathroom to vomit. When he's finished, he leans against the bathtub and tries to just breathe. It's all too much, too soon. Before he can register what he's doing, he's smashed apart a razor and is taking a blade to his skin. It hurts. It feels right. How he's missed this, this relief, this pain, this breath of fresh air. He doesn't even think about how strange it is that no one has stopped him. Oh, that's right, he's the only one in the tower right now. It's ironic. After all the times he has prayed to have Bucky back, when his wish comes true, Bucky leaves. He laughs sadly and soon he's crying. Sobbing really. His emotions are smothering him so he picks up his blade and continues to mutilate himself. He's already fallen off the wagon, why stop now?

He tries to make himself presentable before the rest of the team gets back. Some of his wounds are too deep to heal in the hour he has left so he bandages them the best he can before changing out of his bloody clothes. Just as he is about to throw away his blade, he hesitates and hides in the back of a picture he has framed by his bed. He knows JARVIS will have told them. Nevertheless he can't bring himself to part with the razor just yet. When the others arrive back, he wants to run away, to hide, but he settles for curling up on his bed under his covers.

But no one comes up to him. He finally decides he has to face them. In any case, he's starving and really needs to eat. Gathering his courage, he makes his way down to the kitchen only to find everyone is acting...normal. Well, except for Tony. He doesn't seem to be around.

"Hey guys, where's Tony at?" he asks as nonchalantly as he can manage.

"Oh, someone hacked into JARVIS's system so he's working on fixing it and tracking down whoever's behind it." Clint says as he begins to fix a sandwich to eat.

That's when it hits Steve. They don't know. No one knows. He tells himself it was a fluke. That they don't need to know because he'll never use the blade again. After all, JARVIS is back up and running. But Steve knows all he has to do is leave the tower and he'd be free to relieve himself of the pain he's in.

He makes it a week before he slips up again and after that, the guilt of keeping his relapses secret eats at him and feeds his self-destruction.

It's about a month later when the team begins to notice. During a sparring match with Thor, the god of thunder happens to hit Steve in a spot still healing from a particularly nasty cutting session.

"Shit!" Steve utters, gathering the attention of everyone else in the room. This is for several reasons. One is the rarity of his use of "language". The other is his ability to fight through almost any pain.

Thor helps him up and worry is written on his face. "Are you alright Steve? I did not mean to hurt you."

"Yeah, I'm fine" he responds through gritted teeth.

By this point, the rest of the team has gathered around. Clint looks at Bruce knowingly, the two already suspecting something.

Bruce walks up calmly. "Let me see."

Steve knows he only needs to make it a few more hours and there will be no trace of his wounds.

"Really Bruce, I'm fine."

"Then let me see." Bruce responds.

The soldier knows he has nowhere to hide so he simply shuts his eyes, not wanting to see their faces and pity.

Bruce takes the edge of Steve's shorts and gently lifts theme up. Every wound is exposed and although it has been over an hour since they were made, they are still present.

He sighs and runs his free hand through his hair. "Steve," he says harshly. "Steve, look at me."

Steve opens his eyes and focuses on Bruce. He can't bear to look at them all.

"When?" Bruce asks.

He realizes now he has a chance to make this better, "An hour ago," he whispers.

"And?" Bruce continues.

Steve swallows his guilt, "only then." The lie burns in his chest, but the stares from his teammates are worse.

Natasha leaves then, he presumes to go search his room for blades. Tony looks both pissed and heartbroken. "I thought we were over this," he says gently.

"So did I." Steve answers truthfully.

Tony looks down, "I know."

He leaves to go find out when this started as he knows Steve is lying about it being a one-time thing. When you are an addict, it's hardly ever a one-time thing.

Thor walks over and wraps Steve in a hug before going to help Natasha. Steve's shame triples when he sees the tear tracks down the enormous man's face.

He looks at Bruce. "You going to lecture me?"

"No. Not today. But I'm going to leave you with Clint as I need to go calm down. I'm sorry Steve." He cares so much for Steve's well-being and this is all too triggering for him. "It wouldn't help anyone if the other guy made an appearance." He says, and with that he leaves too.

Clint walks over and sits on the mat by Steve. "Was it Bucky?" he asks.

Steve nods in response.

"I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. He sounds like a great guy in all the stories you share and while I don't know him, I don't think he'd want you to be doing this to yourself." Clint states.

"No. He'd kill me if he knew."

All it takes is Clint's arm over his shoulder to break the wall he's been building. For the first time in a while, Steve cries in the presence of someone else. And somehow, it helps.

/

Steve almost thought he had gotten away with his little lie, at least until breakfast the next morning. The team had gathered early for a breakfast meeting and, of course, Tony was late. However, his arrival was not as the team expected. He runs into the room sweaty and with dark bags under his eyes. He only has to say two words and Steve's world is crumbling down.

"You. Lied." Tony says slowly, enunciating each word. Bruce is about to ask the question everyone's thinking (Who? About what?) when Tony turns to glare at Steve.

Steve knows he's trapped, but he can't admit it, not again.

He clears his throat before responding, "About what Tony?"

"You really want to do it like that? Fine. Care to explain this Cap?" He says as he projects a video of Steve cutting himself on the wall. "After your incident, I decided to look harder into finding the footage JARVIS took on the day he was hacked and I found this." "I knew it wasn't a one-time incident or else you would have told us. Was this video even the first time you relapsed or have you been cutting this entire time?"

Steve can barely listen to Tony anymore. He's struggling to catch his breath. He's ruined everything he's worked so hard for. He's let his team down. He's let Bucky down. He…He…He can't breathe. Panic fills him and he gasps for air as he is reminded of the brutal asthma attacks he used to have. Bruce jumps into action and runs to him.

"Steve. Steve look at me! You are having a panic attack. Breathe with me, slow, deep breaths." He says.

"Asthma", Steve manages to get out between gasps.

"No." Bruce shakes his head. "You are going to be fine. You are not having an asthma attack."

After another few seconds, Steve finally begins to calm down. He hangs his head in embarrassment. Tony feels guilty and wonders how things got so bad again without anyone noticing.

Once things are calm, Natasha asks, "Steve, why didn't you tell us you were struggling?"

"Because, you were all so proud of me and I had done so well. But I ruined it. And then I couldn't stop myself." He swallows, "Or maybe I just didn't want to. It doesn't matter why anymore, I'm right back where I started."

"No you're not." Tony interjects quietly. "Relapses happen, but you are still far from where you started. Recovery isn't smooth, it's a battle. I should've noticed how much seeing Bucky like that hurt you."

Clint nods and adds, "But you have to tell us you want to cut, or if you have cut. Please. The last time you relapsed, you almost killed yourself. We need to know you're safe."

"I think I can speak for everyone when I say we are going to be with you every step of the way Captain." Thor bellows.

Finally Bruce speaks, "And we don't think any less of you because you cut again. You are still the same man who we respect and admire."

Steve sighs with relief. "Thanks guys."

 **Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review! (Note: I know some of you may be upset I had Steve relapse, but I felt that was more true to life than a perfect recovery. Don't worry, he will get better!)**


	7. Chapter 7

**I'm sorry this is such a short chapter, but I think it concludes what I want it to. And unless anyone has another good idea, this is probably the last chapter. Thanks for reading! And please review!**

It's been several months since his relapse and everything is finally going well for Steve. They even found Bucky and were able to convince him to move into the tower. It's been hard, sure, but just having Bucky back was enough for Steve. And recently, he's finally been acting like his old self. Bucky's not been around Steve in over seventy years, but it only takes a month before he notices something's different. He decides to ask Clint about it. Bucky walks around for hours until he finally finds Clint in one of the air vents.

"Yes?" Clint speaks before he sees him.

"How did you?..." Bucky begins to ask, then decides he really doesn't need to know.

"Listen, I don't know you very well, but Steve says you are like his family now." He sighs, "I guess I was wondering what I missed. Steve seems…..different now."

Clint laughs, "Of course he's different. He had to wake up after seventy years to find himself in an entirely different century."

"No, I mean something else. We've been best friends, family really, since we were kids. I know how he reacts to everything. He's sickingly optimistic sometimes, but now, it's like he's changed. And not just because he's older." Bucky pauses, "You all know something, I know that much. What is it he's not telling me?"

"I'm sorry man, I really am, but you'll have to ask him." Clint replies.

/

Bucky waits a week until he and Steve are alone. They are cooling off after sparing in the gym.

"Hey man," Bucky begins, "I noticed something's off with you. What's going on? I mean, besides the obvious man out of time, my best friend is an assassin thing."

"Nothing Buck. I'm fine." Steve flashes a smile and turns to leave when Bucky grabs him.

"Don't lie to me Steve. You know you were never really good at it anyways."

"Well, I've had a rough time lately. But I'm better now. That's all." Steve shrugs.

"I don't buy it. If you want to brush it off in front of anyone else, fine. But not me Steve. Tell. Me."

Steve knows he'll find out eventually anyways.  
"Fine Buck. Only if you promise not to overreact." Steve recalls how furious Bucky was when he found out he crashed a plane…on purpose.

Bucky doesn't respond. He just nods and waits for Steve to continue.

And Steve does. He lets the entire story spill out. From the cutting, to the (almost) suicide attempt, he tells it all. He even includes the relapse and the team's reactions. Steve didn't realize how much he wanted, no needed, to tell Bucky all of this. He speaks of how hard it was to think he was the only one left when Peggy passed. Bucky just sits, taking it all in. Steve continues to talk about his struggle with PTSD and therapy sessions. When he's finished, he looks to Bucky, gauging his reaction. Bucky's jaw is locked, his eyes glazed over when he finally clears his throat.

"Let me get this straight. You hurt yourself. On. Purpose." He says gruffly.

Quietly Steve responds, "Yes."

"I always knew there was something more to the fights you used to pick," Bucky whispers. "Why do you keep punishing yourself for things that aren't your fault Steve? What have you ever done that was so bad?"

"I don't know Buck!" Steve paces in frustration. "Sometimes, I just hate myself okay?"

Bucky stands and grabs Steve, roughly pulling him into a hug. By this point, Bucky's face is streaked with tears. "Don't. I need you Steve. You've always been the better one out of the two of us. Please don't ever hurt yourself again. How would you feel if it was me?" He speaks into Steve's ear.

And it clicks. Steve finally understands the horror his team has been going through. Why they were always so worried about him.

"I'm sorry Bucky. I'm so sorry. I can't promise I won't cut again, but I promise I'll try. I'm doing better, really."

"Really?" Bucky asks as he pulls back and looks Steve in the eyes.

"I promise." Steve responds.


End file.
